Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Tuesday Tangent with Mickie B. Ashling


Golden Showers — A Romantic No-No

Hi everyone! Before I get going on this squirky topic, I want to thank the lovely people at Cup o’ Porn for allowing me to play in their sandbox today. Since this is one site that’s never been bashful about sex, porn, and everything in between, I thought it would be a great place to discuss one of the more controversial bedroom sports; golden showers.



When I started writing m/m, one of the first things I noticed when reading submission dos and don’ts was NO GOLDEN SHOWERS. For those of you in the dark (and if you’re a regular viewer at Cup o’ Porn, I’m pretty sure this doesn’t include you), we’re talking urine. The golden liquid that springs forth from our male and female urethra. A lot has changed since 2009 (the year I was first published), and some publishers have actually dropped this clause, but most haven’t. I know mine has allowed me to use it off page (and I’m grateful for that concession) but many still consider it a taboo subject.

What I want to know is why? We can write about cutting, chaining, pinching, twisting, scratching, flogging, binding, waxing, double and sometimes triple penetration, fisting, whipping, flaying, frigging, butt plugs, sounds, penis plugs, vibrating dildos, sensation play, fire play, edge play, humiliation play, and let’s not forget the infamous, and much requested, cum shot. The more of that creamy stuff smeared over, under, and in your lover the better. Because, let’s face it, good sex is usually messy as fuck, and coating your lover with your seed is a big turn on for a lot of people. But so is territorial marking with piss.

People into this kink (and trust me, they’re out there) consider it the penultimate sign of possession. To many couples (gay, het, or bi), allowing your lover to pee on you at the height of passion is a mind-blowing experience and erotic as hell. But is it romantic? Apparently not, since most writers in the romance genre shy away from the topic.

Is it because we always associate the act with violence? People who are bashed, jumped, and/or beaten, invariably get peed on as a coupe de grȃce. To a thug, it’s a sign of humiliation. Comparing the degrading act of pissing on someone in a non-con situation to the erotic act between consensual partners is like comparing missionary sex and rape. It’s oftentimes done in the same position, but the intent is worlds apart; not the same thing at all!

But wait, you’re thinking. Pee is gross and dirty. Perhaps I’m not squeamish about it because I’ve borne four sons and have been pissed on by accident many times. If you’ve never had a man-child, you can’t relate, but for those of you who have, was it a big deal? Did your skin sizzle and pop? Healthy urine is not toxic, according to several sources. It can be irritating to the eyes, and I can attest to that as a victim of one of my kid’s wilder shots, so try and avoid that area if possible. If a person is diseased, then it stands to reason that the state of their urine is questionable. Anyone who practices safe sex knows not to swallow or have unprotected sex with a stranger, so being peed on by a random hookup should also be avoided.

I’m including a passage from Mistress Lorelai’s The Mistress Manual. She does a good job of explaining the gut reaction most people have when discussing water sports. Keep in mind, this is a BDSM manual, she’s a Dominatrix, and talking to you from a female viewpoint; nonetheless, I think it’s worth reading.

Urine is a taboo substance and therefore one possessing great power to shame, thrill, excite, and subjugate your slave. It is associated in almost everyone’s unconscious mind with those confusing days of potty training; with modesty; shyness, early sexual explorations of “down there,” vaguely or specifically sexual feelings, and sometimes with pain and fear; and with issues of pleasure versus discipline, pleasing Mama versus pleasing yourself, the social order versus the individual.
That’s a hell of a lot of freight for a simple bodily function to carry. And for males the act is even more specifically sexual; lacking our superior equipment, they must urinate with their sex organ, an overworked cylinder that also expresses their social and job status (haven’t you heard men bragging and trying to top one another in the status game they themselves call “measuring dicks”?). No wonder they enjoy water sports.

To be clear, I’m not saying Golden Showers is a prerequisite for good sex. It’s a kink, nothing more or less than fisting, sounding, or pony play. What I don’t understand is the big taboo. Why are people afraid to read or write about it?

So, dear readers, how about weighing in on this? Pro or con? Would you like to see it on page in our genre rather than an allusion? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment on this post and get your name thrown into the hat for a free electronic copy of Daddio, book three in the Horizons series. My MCs aren’t afraid of Golden Showers; unfortunately the hot scene had to say off page.





Before I say good-bye, I’d like to acknowledge the talented, and very hardworking Joleen from Parenthetical Author Services who has been working like a fiend to help me promote my work. On top of being super-efficient, she’s artistic (check out the beautiful banner she made), and a great motivator. I’m one of those authors who rarely stick their nose out of the writing cave, and the very idea of self-promotion is off-putting. Joleen makes my life a lot easier, and for anyone out there who suffers from my affliction, I’d recommend a publicist to spare you time and anxiety. It’s been a joy to have her in my corner. You can contact her here: joleen@parentheticalauthorservices.com.




Daddio

Six months after meeting at the Taste of Chicago, Lil Lampert and Grier Dilorio are living together. Their physical bond glows brighter than ever, but the couple soon realizes that it takes more than three magic words and outstanding sex to make a partnership work.

Like any fledgling, Grier is learning how to navigate his new life. His problems should have ended when Jillian signed the papers acknowledging him as Luca’s biological father and he got the opportunity to pursue a career in interior design. Instead, he’s hampered by old fears and bad habits that are hard to let go.

Adjusting to a small apartment in a four-season state—with a much younger man sporting a stubborn streak—is a challenge for Lil. His position as Luca’s “Daddio” is a delicate balancing act between doing what he thinks is right and deferring to Grier’s eight years of experience.

Life is stressed enough, but now Lil and Grier also face an unexpected complication from a powerful, far-reaching ruling body. Suddenly Luca’s safety—and their happiness as an emerging family—depends on Lil's keen understanding of human nature and Grier's willingness to learn.



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Mickie B. Ashling is the alter-ego of a multifaceted woman raised by a single mother who preferred reading over other forms of entertainment. She found a kindred spirit in her oldest child and encouraged her with a steady supply of dog-eared paperbacks. Romance was the preferred genre, and historical romances topped her favorites list.

By the time Mickie discovered her own talent for writing, real life had intruded, and the business of earning a living and raising four sons took priority. With the advent of e-publishing and the inevitable emptying nest, dreams were resurrected, and the storyteller was reborn.

She stumbled into the world of men who love men in 2002 and continues to draw inspiration from their ongoing struggle to find equality and happiness in this oftentimes skewed and intolerant world. Her award-winning novels have been called "gut wrenching, daring, and thought provoking." She admits to being an angst queen and making her men work damn hard for their happy endings.

Mickie loves to travel and has lived in the Philippines, Spain, and the Middle East but currently resides in a suburb outside Chicago.


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16 comments:

  1. Hmm. For me it sort of depends--for instance, when I saw the movie SHORTBUS, I was surprised that there were far more scenes involving urine than cumshots. The only book I can think of with showers involved is Charlie Piersol's CALLER'S SECRETS (and even then the story kind of eases you in, though it certainly startles the reader on other things). I think what puts people off to read it is that there has to be some sort of ardent urge involved to do it, and the reader is a third party experiencing it at a distance. That's my theory, anyway. Now I've got the Boy Hairdressers' song "Golden Shower" in my head (don't know if it's about the practice lyrically or not--for various reasons, I didn't feel like hopping on Google with those terms to find out!)...

    --Trix

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    1. Hi Trix. Thanks for commenting. I find it so interesting that readers will breeze through a flogging or waxing scene, for instance, and cringe when they think of water sports. I wouldn't mind seeing more novels that have this as part of the sexual repertoire.

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  2. I've read a few books that were pretty hardcore and contained the scene on page and while it's not my kink, I did not mind reading it or find it any more off putting than some of the other things you mentioned, as it fit the context of the story and relationship. I'm surprised that it is still so much of a taboo.

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    1. Hi Debra, it's nice to hear that you're not bothered by this kink, and I agree, if the characters and story warrant the on-page scene then it would be nice to see it occasionally. Thanks for commenting!

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  3. Joleen, Parenthetical Author Services PromotionsJuly 01, 2014 4:03 pm

    Beautiful job, Evaine, and what a pleasure working together! Thank you for hosting and really look forward to next time. :) Good luck contestants!

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    1. Thanks to you both (Joleen and Evaine) for setting up this great post!

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  4. Hi Mickie, Interesting post. Goldenshowers isnt my kink but I dont mind reading about it as long as it fits the storyline.

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    1. Hi ardent-GS isn't for everyone, but neither is fisting or pony play. It's just another kink that deserves some on page time like all the others. Thanks for commenting!

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  5. I find it interesting that this kink is showing up more frequently in fan fiction so the taboo is lifting or maybe like me we just find it hot. It
    Is true that you can use golden showers in so many ways from control to humiliation. But I think the sexiest way is in the total love and trust two people have to just let go.

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    1. I haven't read any fan fiction lately so I didn't know this. I'll have to check out the stories and see how they've written the scenes. I agree with your last sentence-like any other kink, trust and love are the key.

      Thanks for stopping by!

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  6. Huh. I wasn't even aware that was a clause "thing", but now that you mention it, I don't remember ever reading a book that had a scene in it or if I did, it obviously doesn't stand out in my mind as the thing I remembered about the story. It's certainly a pretty common deal in the world of gay porn from what I've gathered - at least on the hardcore sites.

    It's not my personal kink but hey, if it's appropriate to the story and the couple I wouldn't NOT read the book or scene. As long as I know something is hardcore I generally don't have problems reading it. I've read plenty of Master/Slave, dub-con/non-con stuff, so I'm not easily squicked out, but it seems kind of funny that this is the thing that is over the line.

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    1. It's not everyone's kink, but I'm glad to hear that it wouldn't stop you from picking up a book that had it in a scene. Thanks for commenting!

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  7. It is not a kink I am fond of, maybe because it is viewed as a dominant action and often to demean or humiliate and I cannot recall a book that I have read about it being performed. Although I do remember a scene once, in an independent romcom film called BearCity, where two guys in a established relationship decided to add a bit of spice by inviting a third men to join them during a awkward (but comical) shower scene, which ends in a golden shower and a head injury!

    I think, as other readers have commented, that if this is performed in an established relationship bound by trust and possibly love, where both parties are comfortable and knowledgeable of what this means then it is up them if they wish to add this kink to their relationship - there is always the agreed safe word (as there should be) if they feel uncomfortable or wish to stop.

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    1. I never heard of that film but I'll keep it in mind for the next time I have to do some "research". Thanks for stopping by!

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  8. I am not at all averse to watersports, and there have been some stories out there where I've really enjoyed it! I think it all depends on how the author handles the situation. It can definitely be erotic for me though.

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  9. I think it can be erotic with the right characters and situation. Appreciate your stopping in to comment.

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